Thursday, December 6, 2012

MOTHER GIVES UP CHILD W/O TELLING HUSBAND

co.washington.or.us

Today I read a post on BlackNews.com about a father gaining custody of his baby after his wife secretly gave her away. I was shocked to learn that a wife would do such a thing to her husband. According to the story he moved out of state while his wife was pregnant to take on a new job. Days later his wife signed papers with an adoption agency giving the baby up. She was placed with a family in Utah that now claims he isn't capable of taking care of the child because he abandoned his wife and unborn baby. The judge ruled in favor of the father because he had no knowledge of his wife's actions and when he learned of what happened the agency did not provide him with information when he attempted to obtain it nearly two years ago. I don't want to judge any party in this case because I have not walked in their shoes and do not know the inside story. Yet, I cannot help but have pity for the father and the couple. The couple have made this bond with this child that they thought would be their own and developed their families around it. However, the father was denied his parental rights in the case. The couple blames the father, yet they only had the mother's story to go on and whatever she told them or the adoption agency. I don't know if she did this out of fear, retaliation against him for some perceived wrong, or if she wasn't ready to be a mother and they disagreed on that point. But whatever the case, he deserved to have his rights respected as well.

All too often as a society we disregard the rights of fathers and women tend to have strong feelings about their rights. I think in many instances men are not genuinely heard in terms of their feelings, their roles in the lives of their children, and in terms of their marriages. There are so many excellent fathers in the world and those that are not standing up to their responsibilities make it difficult for those who are. I know too many men that have been challenged on their parental rights because the female felt as if the man didn't have any rights because the baby came from her body. Yes, we do carry that child for 9 months, go through extreme physical, emotional and psychological changes to carry the baby to term. Not to mention the issues we go through after birthing the baby, such as postpartum, major life changes, and getting rid of the excess weight. However, when allowed many fathers have their changes to go through also. Many fathers are fighting for the right to be a part of these children's lives and women can be very vindictive and manipulative when they cannot have things their way. I have seen women who have denied father's their rights because the man did not want to be with the woman. There are also instances where the man was denied the rights because the woman didn't want the child. Whether or not she chooses to keep the child after giving birth is up to her; however, if she decides not to do so the father should be the next person in line for consideration. Read the article link below and please leave a comment I would love to learn how you feel on this hot topic also.

http://blog.blacknews.com/2012/12/dad-wins-custody-baby-daughter-wife-secretly-adoption101.html


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JUST A PIECE OF THIS WRITER...
C. MICHELLE RAMSEY 


14 comments:

  1. I think it's an awful situation for both sides - the couple thought they legitimately had this child and formed a bond. The father was not even made aware of the pregnancy and that is just wrong. No matter what happens, it really is a lose lose situation. The child is wanted on both sides, but someone is going to be hurt and it just isn't fair - I would not want to be the judge in that custody battle. But I have to ask, before a child is put up for adoption, aren't both parties supposed to sign off? I mean this was a husband & wife? not an unwed mother - Just really sad...

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    1. Hi Judi,

      The father was aware of the pregnancy just not the adoption. I think that the way she was able to sign off on it alone was by stating he had abandoned her. She may have even gone as far as to convince them a divorce was in process. There is no end to what people are willing to do. But I agree with you...so sad; heartbreaking for all those other parties involved. And how will she as a mom explain that when the little girl gets older...if she has contact with her. I also wonder are they divorced now because the article never said his "ex-wife" it continued to say his wife. Thanks for the comment.

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  2. I saw this on the news yesterday and am totally disgusted at the adoption agency for allowing this to go through. Even if there is a divorce or supposed abandoment the agency is supposed to make every effort possible to ensure the father is aware of the proceedings.

    I am even more disgusted with this woman for taking away the child from the father and the father from the child.

    While I know it has to be horrible for the couple who legitimately thought they had adopted this precious little girl I am glad she is back with her biological father.

    Sadly this happens all to much in our country. There need to be stiffer laws for fathers willing to be in the childs life, to protect those rights.

    (new follower from the weekend blog hop www.feliciaslegend.com)

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    1. Felicia I am happy that she is back with her father too. I definitely believe that fathers should have more rights and there should be laws in place to protect them as well. Unfortunately, most of the laws in place only protect mothers & men are left to accept what is dished out to them. It's horrible. I am glad that he did come out on the positive side of this. Thanks for the comment & follow.

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  3. This just reminds me once again that the way to raise kids is the way the Bible teaches-a husband and wife who love one another and are deeply committed to their marriage. Single parenthood dooms most women and their children to living in poverty. What a shame! Children need BOTH parents and their needs have to come first.

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    1. Susan I think you definitely hit the nail on the head about the commitment to the marriage. Obviously this was not their situation. They could not have had a serious commitment for something to go this drastically wrong. So sad. Thanks for the follow & the comment.

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  4. Wow, that's pretty terrible! I agree with wanting to withhold judgement for all involved in the case. Most definitely the father and the couple who adopted. On one hand, how horrible for the father who was not even made aware that he had a child, and on the other, how devastating for the family who adopted the child and began building their relationship with the child.

    My fiance and I have been considering adopting a child sometime within the next few years, however it's cases like these that make us reconsider. Prayers to all involved in this terrible situation.

    Thank you for seeking me out during the hop and for your thoughtful comment. I'm an aspiring writer myself, so hopefully you can provide me with a few tips ;)

    Reese

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    1. Hi Reese,

      I definitely reserved judgment as much as possible because I have not walked in any of their shoes, including the mother. I do realize that whatever went on, there are unknown parts of the story that we may never learn or understand. I am happy for the father in this instance and sad for the couple.

      In you & your fiance` situation I recommend that you continue to pray for that guidance and I pray that whatever decision you come to it is best for you all.

      I will definitely give you any tips that you desire at any time. This journey for me is a work in progress. I am learning new things every day and also have someone who has been an excellent guide to me. So I would love to give back wherever and whenever possible. Don't hesitate to contact with any questions and best of luck on your journey also.

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  5. Whoa ladies, ladies I soooooooooooooo beg to differ with you. Susan you stated the way to raise kids is the way the Bible teaches-a husband and wife who love one another and are deeply committed to their marriage. Single parenthood dooms most women and their children to living in poverty. DOOMS... DOOMS... Look I raised four wonderful children & we all chipped in together. My oldest daughter went to college & now has four children and a wonderful husband & they own their own house, my oldest son has 2 children & owns his own business, my youngest son works & has two daughters & my youngest daughter has one son and is going to graduate college in May & be an EMT. I worked 3 jobs when my kids were little & they wanted to NOTHING. We had fun singing, playing games, going to my mom's & shopping. How can you say the children are doomed if they have a single parent???? Was it better that I should stay with their alcoholic, both mentally & abusive father they didn't work??? Girl, you better wake up to reality because that woman that gave up her child doesn't represent every mother in the world. There are some mothers that would do anything for their kids to see they had everything they needed like selling their own winter coat for Christmas presents so her kids would have a nice Christmas like I did. I'm sorry Michelle, but Susan totally is living on another world. It would be nice if all Children of the world had both parents but sometimes it's not possible. I still get Father's Day cards for my children. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr My children still come first & now I have nine grandchildren and they all come first. Michelle you're a bit avasive with your answer, but I understand why but how could you say she is right. Not all circumstances let things happen that way. Sorry for the soap box, but when you live through it... walk in my shoes & then say the things Susan said. She needs to get her head out of the clouds and off the farm and watch the news.

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    1. I appreciate you sharing your story it was very inspiring and uplifting. However, I was not being evasive in answering her question but chose to focus on the positive, rather than bring a negative view to what she was saying. After all who am I to disagree about how anyone else views life? I believe that we all have our own unique perspective based on our life choices. I think all three of us (you, Susan & me) obviously believe in the union of marriage; however, we have no control over the outcomes after the decision has been made. I commend you for being a strong woman and doing what you needed to do in your situation, and wish that many others would also display the same strength before the issue escalates.

      Alternatively, I am not trying to take anything away from how Susan feels because her beliefs are based on her life choices and the outcomes. I don't believe she meant any harm, I just think her view is based on the way she has seen life. She has obviously never walked in your shoes and so could not speak on life from that perspective and can only speak from hers. I applaud single parents both men and women for the dedication and strength they put in to raising children alone. I have women in my family and friends that are single parents and they are strong, beautiful women. I started out as a single parent myself, but God saw fit to send me a wonderful mate to build our little family stronger and continue to grow and expand. So no I don’t think they are doomed, but I do understand what she is saying.

      I recall how my life was prior to meeting my husband and I can honestly say I am not the same woman. He inspired me, helped me pursue my dreams, strengthened me and helped me to take a look on the inside of me to learn who Michelle was. I think in our situation the union has made our family better. My mother had to make a decision similar to yours because of my father’s abuse. It was not easy for her but she did what she had to do. She has also remarried to a wonderful husband who takes excellent care of her. I just believe this is a forum that allows everyone to speak from their unique perspective and learn. I knew this would be a hot button issue, but as with many things in life we all bring diverse views, beliefs, and experiences. And that is what makes this wonderful world. And remember you don’t have to feel the same as another person to respect how they feel.

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  6. Interesting topic and lively discussion. Thank you for handling such a hard topic. There are no winners here including the child. All parties involved have been hurt and only time will tell the outcome and start the healing process..

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    1. I believe it is important to discuss these topics sometimes despite the emotions they evoke. I think it allows us to view a topic from various perspectives and broaden our understanding. But most importantly we must not judge the involved parties but pray for them. I definitely agree that only time will tell the outcome & begin the healing process. Thank you for your visit & comment.

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  7. My husband has brought this topic up many times over. He has a personal reason for feeling this way, but I'm not at liberty to share it.

    However, trust me when I say this is a huge issue. My husband gained custody of our oldest son and then I got to adopt him. There are many men who truly value having their kids in their lives.

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    1. Crystal this issue was also very dear to my husband's heart and my own. And suffice it to say, his situation did not turn out as well as yours did. I believe if things had turned in his favor, our lives would be drastically different today...unfortunately, there was no happy ending. But we continue to go on each day & celebrate the victories of others such as this father's and yours.

      Thank you for your comment, I truly appreciate seeing the various perspectives you all share with me; especially on such an important matter.

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